Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
