Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
