you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
