I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
