Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
