she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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