Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
