How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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