If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
