Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
