Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
