A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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