i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
