Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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