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• (425): View more from Washington

  Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  I hate you

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• (713): View more from Texas

  All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible

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