all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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