There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
