Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
