How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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