god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
