Old men and throwing up are my life now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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