Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
