i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
