Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
