Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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