Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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