boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
