Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can't motorboat a personality
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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