I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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