It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
