If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Randomize
