I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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