Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
