god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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