so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
