I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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