Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Less talking, more tequila
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
