Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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