Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
