Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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