some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
