the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
