I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
