return my video game
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
