One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
