WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
