shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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