What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
