so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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