Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
