You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
