I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
