Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
