he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
